I've been a nanny for about four years. You may think that it's a pretty easy job and one that I don't have to take home with me. It's true that I get to hand the kidlets back at the end of the day and go home to peace, quiet, and a large glass of wine (or two). But during the last few years, I've acquired a more profound knowledge about the job and how it has the tendency of following me around like Peter Pan's shadow: sometimes there, sometimes not, and sometimes showing up like a little, naughty imp when I least expect it. Allow me to share these nuggets of truth that I've slowly discovered during my Mary Poppins existence. Consider them the litmus test of true nannyhood.
1. You automatically ask, "What do you say?" when anybody forgets to say please.
2. You are asked, "What is that scent you're wearing?" and you have to answer, "Desetin & Vicks."
3. You feel like you've failed the day if you haven't picked up a crayon.
4. Your reflexes border ninja status.
5. When your friends are all talking about their favorite shows (Modern Family, So You Think You Can Dance, Law & Order, Happy Endings, etc.) and you have nothing to contribute because your favorite show is Phineas and Ferb.
6. You know the difference between a normal silence and an oh-no-what-are-they-doing-and-how-big-is-the-mess silence.
7. You just smile and say thanks when someone compliments "your kids" because you're tired of explaining you're "just the nanny".
8. You get caught saying things like, "okie-dokie-artichokie", "ready freddy", and "oops-a-daisy-doodle-chicken-noodle" to your friends.
9. You dress up when you get home from work just to feel normal.
10. The first station on your Pandora account is Disney songs and you know all of them.
11. When you're catching up with an old friend and speak of "your kids" and realize that you have to clarify.
12. You feel that your skills of holding a baby down with one elbow and all fingers working independently so you can change a diaper in about five seconds is comparable to a rodeo calf roper.
13. You feel the need to point out the obvious and important differences between nannying and babysitting when someone has the gall to call you a babysitter.
14. You do a sticker check on your clothes before you go out after work because of that one time you didn't.
15. You understand there is only a limited amount of work talk allowed from you around your friends because your mom friends think you're a fraud and your single friends think you sound like one of "those moms".
16. During the day you frequently talk to yourself just to have a normal conversation.
17. You specifically turn on Sesame Street to see who the guest celebrity is for the day.
18. You can't decide what's worse: stepping on a lego or a night walking around in new heels.
19. You have to explain to your boyfriend why there are cheerios in the back of his car after you borrowed it for a couple of days.
20. You have an unexplained affinity for umbrellas and spoonfuls of sugar.
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